I cannot sleep, my mind is racing and I want to calm down but it’s hard too. I have work today and I want to get some sleep but can’t. At this moment, I just want to be loved to be wanted by someone but don’t know why because I’m young and shouldn’t feel that way but I do and there’s nothing that can be done to change that. Recently with all the stress in my life, I’ve just been wanting to give in to my negative thoughts to drink my life away or to just get it over with now and just overdose on drugs because In my head, I feel like such a burden to people in my life. It feels like no one wants me for me, do I change myself to everyone’s liking or do I just give up on everything, I thought I had it all together but I truly don’t anymore. I’m really a failure at everything I do in life and I try so hard to be the best that I can but what’s the point anymore? With how the world is going right now, there truly is no hope anymore at a shot of real true happiness. While in the 3rd stage of the quarantine I lost a lot of hope, now everything is reversing, if we go back into stage 3 of the quarantine I really do believe that I will snap this time and just end it, as much is hurts me but relieves me to say it. There is good in this world, but there is also bad really I am not strong enough for this world or prepared for it with the rate it’s going. It’s hard on everyone in the world at the moment ik but why bother at trying to make it better when it’s just changed forever. Sorry that this is negative, but the negativity is just flowing through my mind and it won’t stop..I keep thinking about the future and about my family what will happen or could happen and it’s terrifying. I’ve wanted to have kids someday, but now with everything in the world I think that it would be best not to have any for their sake because I don’t want them to have to go through all the bad things going on in this world because the world will continue to get worse just in my opinion for the moment, who knows maybe it might be better someday. I don’t know whether to get help or not because I’m scared to get help, the help I’m talking about is mental help because deep down I just know that no matter how much therapy or counseling I would have again, it will not help me and so I know that I will feel and live this way the rest of my life it seems. I’ve learned to deal with it, but at time it gets hard to handle all on my own, but I’ve handled it own my own for what seems like so long now, basically 8 years of my life, half of my life I have been dealing myself on my own and now I guess it will be that way the rest of my life. I accept that though, kinda have since I first started dealing with it. That’s all.
Re: In my feelings/thoughts
Darling, you are not alone and many can relate to it, having said that please try to hold on.
And it is ok to feel negative, maybe cry about it let it out.
I know it feels chaotic and messy and ending seems much easier then fighting it, but just for a min imagine if you can come out of it and achieve happiness that totally depends on you and not on another factor and imagine just imagine your life's become so happy and fullfiling that this time you can't sleep because of the excitement of a new day.
If you choose to end it, than all above will never happen, so don't risk a chance at happiness , hold on to the hope.
In the meantime, you can retrospect and instead of seeing your life in all negatives , maybe you can think what can be done better.
Also, to cope with this get a new indoor hobby liks reading, cooking, gardening , something that will make you feel better ,something to take your mind off but don't make it a way to escape it.
Take one day at a time , do one small thing that make you feel good about yourself and viola you will be the happiest person in your terms and it's your happiness won't be dependent on anyone else.
All the best :)