5 months ago
Time Spent- 57m
18 Visitors

In pain, regretting,want to remorse

I m in guilt and feeling very devastated bcz I have done an awful act,a wicked act. I never ever hurt anyone ,never ever did some bad to any1 ,I used to be such a pure soul den how could I did dis😰 m in pain..pain of guilt

My story starts here ,i was in a relationship wid a guy since 4 years(who is opposite of religion) so we couldn't be together due to our religion. I was honest ,loving ,caring as much as good one can expect.that guy wanted to have extra marital affirs as we couldn't be together so dis way we could be ,but deep down my soul was nt allowing to do so as it would be a cheating on someone as well. There are no any bad qualities in him.but he wanted to be in my life only untill my parents find a guy for me for marriage but I want to get married to someone who is known by me ,to whom with I would have spent some time to make sure det I wanna spend rest of my life with det person or not. So I cut down myself with det person a lot bit with whom I was in relationship bcz I don't want to hurt him so once we fought I stopped texting him det lovey dovey msgs ,calls nd i stopped saying him a "i love u" but i used to talk to him with a nrml tone like a frnd,in between I met a person who wants to marry me(same religion) but I was not certain about him whether he is ryt for me or not. So Once he asked about relationship I denied ,I LIED to HIM. He made endless efforts to make me fall in love with him and realized det he truly wants to marry me ..so I said yes to him but without telling to det 1st guy and without telling dis new guy about my past . Days passed..dis process is going on n on ..and one day my current found about my ex(he read those dirty chats ,sex chats ,nudes everything ,though I AM VIRGIN) and when I told dis to my ex he felt cheated and he cursed me a lot lot lot ..and my current also felt being on cheated as i lied to him ankit my past. Both are hating me now nd cursing me badly ,due to me dey have lost beliefs in humanity and lost their faith from demselves. And m feeling extremely guilty ,in extremely pain ,like m feeling death z d cure for me fir wht i did is a crime ,i m praying god to forgive me but perhaps my crime s so big det even god can't help me ,can't save me. I just want to remorse. M hating myself bcz I was never before like dis ,i never did such awfull thing in mylife ever ,how can i be such wicked soul who used to be a pure soul..how can i make free me from my guilt ,from my sins ..a sacred person is now a sinner person and i can't handle it anymore .."this paap" i cant handle it anymore.