Im a high school student and changed schools two years ago. New environment and new people. After a year in school i made good friends and found a crush after being rejected by a guy that made me wait three months before saying he doesn’t like me anymore. I was so in love with him cause he was the first guy that had mutual feelings towards me. Sad news, he studied abroad and just came to visit his parents. I waited three months for him and got rejected. We didn’t date and there were no promises just my naive dreams. For a month I was in depressive state, even people who i wasn’t close with noticed it and it made me feel even worse cause I didn’t want to seem pitiful. He rejected me in December and for a whole month i felt like shit. In January I started talking with a guy out of the “popular ones”. He was nice to me and listened to my every word. supported me and didn’t judge. In the back of my mind I knew he liked me since I was the only girl he talked to and I’m sure of it due to the size of our school. It’s small in comparison with those in US and UK. Even though, he liked me I couldn’t accept his feeling for me, I was still thinking about that boy. Months went by and we’ve been talking for two or three months at that point. I got over my old crush and developed feelings for him. He was there for me always no matter what, I appreciated that in him. I confessed first and he said it was mutual. Both of us were so happy and in love. We started dating only on the next day since we didn’t talk much about who we want to be. He was my first boyfriend and kiss. And I was his first girlfriend and kiss as well. Sadly, we started dating during the quarantine, our country wasn’t affected by Covid up until March so we went into lockdown on March 13 and we started our relationship on March 19. 2 months into our relationship he asks for photos and I thrown off by his request. There’s no sex ed in our schools so I was uncomfortable with the idea sex in general and he knew it. He apologized and promised not to ask for them again. After that he asked when I would think is a good age to loose a v-card. I told him idk and that I was uncomfortable, however, I was also scared to tell him my true feelings about it. He kept pushing and asking to do it sooner continuously making me feel bad. After not seeing each other for more than a month due to the lockdown and some issues with my family that made me overwhelmed I started to doubt my feelings for him. My hatred for those who lie is indescribable, so naturally I try to avoid lying. I told him I was confused with my feelings and wanted a break so I could figure it out. He wanted to break up since breaks are only a step away from break ups. I asked him to wait until lockdown measures and cases in our city decrease and meet up then so I could figure it all out. We met up, it was excruciatingly awkward. I didn’t feel the spark that i wished for. On that day our relationship ended. It was in July. Month later in August he writes to me “fuck you” and blocks me. Before he blocked me on Instagram i asked him what was that about he told me his point of view of the events. I led him to believe that we will get back together after the quarantine and lied to him. At least that what he thinks. I understand his point of view.We’re back in school and now him and his friends ignore me, we don’t talk. I thought I was going to be fine. Im over it. Its been 6 months after our break up. I was foolish to believe this. When I saw him for the first time in so long I was frustrated I didn’t understand why, “I might still like him” first thought in my mind. I don’t know if I miss his attention, comfort from his immediate replies, his sweet words of hopes for our future or I just miss him and our relationship. I’m extremely confused. I feel jealous of a girl who joined their friend group. She’s smart, nice and closer to him than I am. It reminds me of how our relationship started and I’m bothered by these thoughts a lot. All of my friends tell me he’s not worth it and I should get over it. How can I do it when memories of our cheery relationship pop up in my head randomly and make me smile like and idiot. I can’t decide if I like him or not. I hope he doesn’t hate me and there’s a chance for us. I somehow forgave everything he did. I just want to talk to him again.