So I wrote an article before I wrote this and let's say that it disappeared. I don't want to retype it because it won't be authentic and I already expressed and relived the moments in that article. So, I thought why not share another story of mine. I don't know if this will trigger some people but this will just be about me sharing my story of dealing with my body image and insecurities and how I am doing. I know that I don't have it worse like some of you have but I just wanted to share you my story and hopefully give me a little acceptance. So I started to feel insecure about my body every since 5th grade. I was hitting puberty and was scared at how I started to develop boobs because I was the only one in my grade. Then when I was in 6th grade, I saw and compared myself to my classmates about how big mine were and they shouldn't be like that because I had to "fit in". So to fix this, I wore a sports bra. I didn't accept this change in my body until I was in about 8th grade. I was new to this change and it was weird to me. I turn 14 and ask if I could get Instagram. My parents said okay sure. If only I didn't ask them that. I only asked them that because the app seemed really cool and everyone had it. I use it and post pictures and everything is fine. It was then that I saw all these skinny girls with an hour glass body that I started to feel insecure. I was shown these beautiful girls with a nice butt and nice boobs and a beautiful face throughout social media and it really brainwashed me. I would tell myself that I have to look like them , I need to. I couldn't even look at myself naked in the mirror. Middle school was a horrible time for me. I feel this was the time I felt really insecure. I was insecure of many things. I was really tall 7th and 8th grade and felt embarrassed. I would bend down a little or like jut my hip to the side. I had big feet for my age but it came with the height. I felt insecure because I had one of the biggest feet in my class and didn't like to talk about it. I also was afraid of checking my weight on a scale. I didn't like people to be around when I checked my weight because they would see and I would be embarrassed. So yeah, it was a rough patch but I came to accept most of it. Freshman year of highschool is here and I delete the Instagram app to heal and work on my mental health. The reason I deleted the app was not only to not focus on how my body should be but also I was obsessed with how many followers and likes I would get. I felt the need to have a lot of likes and followers. I would get jealous if someone had more numbers than me. It took a lot of courage to do so and am glad I did. I install Instagram a month later and felt a change in me. I wasn't obsessed anymore. Freshman year was a horrible year for me. I was sad most of the time. I felt like the friends I made were being taken away from me and it made me sad. I also was going through the death of my 2 grandfathers. Summer is here and I bother my mom about wanting braces. I told her I wanted them and the only reason I wanted them was to help cut down what I eat. So that meant that I would barely eat meat and lose weight. Of course I didn't tell her the real reason and just said to have straight teeth. This was a little true since I was also insecure of my smile and wouldn't smile because of my one crooked tooth. I was happy I got braces and still have them. My sophomore year of highschool comes and still dealing with my body image. This time I downloaded another app called TikTok. It was a great app and I was happy until I saw all these beautiful girls and how they danced so good. I tried to do it but got insecure about my dancing skills and would make those videos private. I uninstalled Instagram again and TikTok. This didn't help since I have cut out meat in my diet. I was planning on going vegan or vegetarian to help lose weight but decided to only cut out chicken and red meat and milk. I still eat seafood and take dairy through yogurt and cheese. When my family would ask why I did this I said that I wanted to live a healthy lifestyle. Of course this was a lie to not only them but to myself. I just didn't want to be judged by them. I still don't choose to eat red meat and chicken and don't think I can go back. I can try eating chicken again but I don't think I'll ever eat red meat again. Sometime that year, I brokedown and cried because of my mom getting mad at me. I started to flood my head with these negative thoughts. I was done crying when I decided to look at myself through the mirror and say how I am beautiful and it's okay to make mistakes. After that, I confronted my mom the next day of what I was going through in my life. I told her how I felt the need to get away from this house, how I feel insecure about my body, and all my problems. After I let it all out, I felt better and things were looking up for me. I felt like I my insecurity of my body went down a little. Quarantine then appears during the 2nd semester of my sophomore year and things start to turn around. I downloaded TikTok again and these videos about body positivity would appear on my For You Page. It made me happy and realize that I am perfect the way I am. I shouldn't compare myself with other girls because they aren't me. I started to accept myself as a whole and appreciate myself more. I appreciated my stomach, my height, my boobs, and many other attributes. During Quarantine, I dabbled with a few stuff to help me lose weight. Now, I know I wasn't insecure about my weight but I just wanted to lose weight for myself and not to look like other people and please them. So I tried doing the apple cider vinegar thing where you add it to your tea and stopped after we ran out, intermittent fasting but stopped when I felt irritated and not myself, the gallon water bottle a day (I still do this but cut it to 3/4 of a gallon), and exercising (I am still trying to get back on track with this since it improves my mental health and wellbeing). I would also try and experiment with my diet. I tried eating only soups with rice for a week but stopped because it wasn't right and healthy. I was just impatient in trying to lose weight and wondered why I wanted to. I mean I came to terms with my current weight, so why did I want to change that. Was I insecure about my weight but didn't know it? Did I really want to try to become skinnier? Was I just impatient that the results were not showing how fast I wanted it to show? Or did I just want to glow up since everyone was doing that. How am I doing right now. Right now, I have came to terms with my body image, weight, and insecurities. I still feel a little insecure at times but I'm still healing. I think the one thing that helped me accept myself was seeing other people go through what I went through, whether they had worse than me or not. It was also seeing others having something that I felt insecure about. For example, if I saw other tall people my age, I wouldn't feel insecure about myself and accepted that insecurity because it makes up who I am. I just didn't feel alone. I think trying to accept my body was one of the hardest thing I had to do for myself. It's hard because you have these thoughts telling you to be like this, dress like this, don't do that, don't do this. It's a never-ending cycle I had to put up with. I think I could have prevented this if I wasn't exposed to social media at such a young age. It really brainwashes you into thinking you have to be a certain way. I can't wait for the day where I could wear a bikini but am making progress. I now can wear a bikini top with pants. Baby steps, baby steps. For those going through insecurities and such, let me just tell you how beautiful and unique you are. Even with the rolls on your stomach, acne on your face, having big thighs, stretchmarks, having a lot of hair on your body, and more, you are still beautiful. You may think your not as beautiful as those models but who wants to be like them. Why not try to be like yourself. I'm sure you are beautiful and amazing through your own way. Anyways, who are we to judge what is beautiful and what is not? Why do we label things as beautiful and ugly? Who came up with this category? And what is actually beautiful? Who knows, maybe we were all brainwashed into thinking certain things are beautiful when their not. Maybe the things we find ugly are beautiful. I mean yes they are beautiful and unique but in their own way. And remember you are not alone. You have loved ones you could confront and ask for help. It may take a lot of courage but you will feel better after doing so. Don't forget that you are perfect just the way you are!!!