underage girls

Is it my fault I was 'raped'?

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So, I was under a tunnel with him at about 10 at night, we were kissing and it was behind a small wall but i could see over it. He did finger me which i was fine with but then he kept turning me round trying to bend me over and i did laugh saying no at first but it got worse as he would force me round and pull my leggins down and pull my hair to lower me and i was starting to push him off saying no stop no and then everytime i did say no he'd beg but go back to kissing and this is why I didn't run away as I liked him he was my bf even though I'm 15 hes 23 but I've found out he's 29 now ahahah he was first kiss and everything anyway he then turned me round fast enough to put his dick in my ass abit which hurt and I jumped off him and saw two guys walking down but I stupidly said let's go and we both ran to where I went home with my mate as she was waiting for me with her boyfriend. I feel as though because it isn't as bad as what I've learnt hes done to other underage girls (rape) I shouldn't report and didn't run away so ill be blamed for it and the evidence was on the floor in a puddle of water. It was on 1st July and I only started feeling guilty and empty about it after i heard what he done to other girll coz i realised what he had to me. I have literally cried myself to sleep, cried all day, not slept or slept too much, been lay there not crying and breaking down. I've told my closet boy friend who I trust with everything but now I regret it coz I've been overthinking the whole situation and thinking im exaggerating it and shouldn't class it as rape. I also told my best friend kind of but she has been asking too much questions and doesn't understand me when I answer them so I blame myself more. I'm so broke over this and feel suicidal (have done for a year but noone knows and its worser than it ever was). Noone acc knows what I'm going through cpz of this coz i just make jokes about it to my best friend and dont show my emotions to anyone.

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