I am in fact a liar. I always lie. To everyone. To myself, even. To such an extent that at his point I’m not even sure I can trust my own feelings and emotions. What if I’m lying about it and not even knowing it? Out of boredom, or even because I want to seem special, at least to myself.
Have you ever been slapped in the face by a man who gave you your middle name? I was. Did it hurt? Maybe it did, I don’t remember actually. My world went into a blur for a second, but what I understood about it, was that it felt shocking because I felt betrayed, not because I felt actual pain.
I stopped hearing voices at that point. Stopped seeing faces, stopped looking into people’s eyes. I pleaded for help that day, but no one came to save me and my screams were silenced by the rain.
Were you ever scared of being taken away by a monster? I was. I cried a lot too. I didn’t want the monster to take me away. But my algebra grades fed my paranoia, and, I guess, still do to this very day.
I remember black garlic bread crumbs. And loneliness. And how cold it was without a blanket.
Did you know? You can’t, in fact, strangle yourself with a pillow. It was a stupid day, you see. And I strived to act like a degenerate scum that I am. I cried that day, a lot.
Have you ever seen your own blood? I sure did. I still hate myself for that. I was looking for an easy way out, without realising that life is never easy. I did not cry, but I did not smile neither.
I failed and failed and failed and will keep failing until the end of times.
Why does my mouth taste like rot?
I really, really don’t want to open my eyes no more, for God’s sake let me sleep.
Have you been listening to your sad songs again?
I have, actually, how’d you figure?
You look like a cunt more than usual.
Sure, sappy songs all sound like crap and feel ashamed of myself, but it doesn’t mean I'll start listening to good music.
Please do something to stop.
There’s a reason they fail.
The tube-lines, the London ones.
Well, are you from London?
No, but I am a double agent so I guess it’s still counts :))))
I like watching people have fun instead of me and then crying about it in my sleep