crowded places

Isolation and lonely 😔

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About 70 percent of my life has been isolation. When I was younger my Dad would hardly ever let me have what little bit of friends I did have visit. I couldn't go hang out at their house either. Even though I was a kid that wouldn't get in any trouble. Then as I grew older I didn't know how to act around people to fit in because I was always having to stay home. I honestly feel like in my head that I'm younger than what I am. I feel like I didn't get proper social skills like most kids and it caused me to grow into an adult that doesn't act my age properly. I don't have any friends. I've tried to have relationships but all I attract are guys who use and lie and cheat on me. I'm scared of crowded places. I now isolate myself on purpose. Even before the pandemic, I've always just wanted to stay at home. But at the same time I feel lonely. I know that I'm the only one that can make myself happier but I'm scared to go out in the world. I've thought about getting some counseling to see if that might help. All I do is sit in the same spot on my bed day after day. Watch TV, look on my phone, listen to music, and look at magazines that I have looked at for more than 20 years! That's pretty much my life. I need to step up and out in the world more. It's a lot of beautiful places to see and I'm wasting my time not enjoying it. I feel depressed a lot of times and sleeping is a hobby that I have come to enjoy. It's hard to trust people. I feel like everyone is going to make fun of me and judge me because I was made fun of in School.

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