I don’t where or how to start... so let me just say how I feel (brace yourself this is gonna be long). I don’t like my dad, not one bit... he is an asshole and a lying cheater! To give an idea of what I’m talking about I’ll have to start from the beginning. So my dad was a captain in marine merchandising (I think that’s what it’s called) and he “apparently” gave that up when I was born to start up his own company so that he will have more time to spend with me. Well because of that and my health issues (another long boring story), I couldn’t live with him properly. Instead I have to keep shifting from the place I used to live to the place he lives in. So now to the reason why I don’t like my dad. He was never there for me... he wouldn’t even call me. Everytime I wanted to speak to him he would say that he is too busy to speak to me and that I am wasting his time... he was nonexistent too me and it was like I didn’t even have a dad. I remember I called him once and cried to him saying that I missed him and I wished he would be with me, all he said was that he will call me back, he is working now... that “call back” never came. He when I just came out o my appendix operation he promised he would watch a movie with me... I am still waiting on that. He never came to see me when I was in the hospital and he never even fucking called me! At least call ur damn daughter!! When we live with him it’s another damn story. He doesn’t even acknowledge our presence. Fine if, he was actually that busy, I can understand that but when he is free (which is very often) he chooses to ignore his family and go out with his friends and talk shit about us. He is not even bothered about us. For example, we were living with him for sometime and me and my mom we’re starting to get hungry and there was nothing in the house to eat. Well guess what... he ordered food for himself and didn’t even ask us if we wanted something. Also I have caught him cheating... and my mom knows about this. He has like 3-4 dating apps in his phone. U know when was the first time I fucking saw porn.. on his damn Fucking phone! He is just so disgusting it makes me want to puke! The other thing is that, when I was five (we were living with him at that time), I saw him beating the shit out of my mom. I still remember it like it was yesterday, I honestly thought he was going to kill her. Her face was bloody and her body had bruises all over... and all I could do was just watch. I got so scared that I just froze and till that I still feel guilty for not standing up for my mom. The same thing happened again when I was 6 then at 7. I kept happening and I was scared of him that I didn’t even try to help my mom... and I still feel guilty for just watching my mom being dragged around like a rag doll and didn’t do anything. The one time I tried to stop him he to get the fuck out of his way and pushed me. Those memories of him dining that are stuck in my head and I can never forgive him for that and I have lost respect for him. On top of all of this he verbally and sexually abuses my mom in front of me! He will say and do shit (especially when he is drunk) in front of me and it is sick. Me being a girl, it’s hard to see that since...u know. Me and my mom both feel like prisoners when we are in his house. He also emotionally abuses me, he keeps telling me that I’m not good enough or that I need to be more responsible or that my best isn’t enough for him... it hurts me so much. And then after all of this bullshit. He finally decides that he wants to be a good dad and that he wants to be part of my life... well I’m sorry but it’s too late for that. Half of my life I had no idea what a father was and then for the other half I thought fathers were supposed to be abusive. He know decides that he should try and be a better dad, after several years of his shit!! Honestly whenever he is around I feel so uneasy and uncomfortable, I don’t like having his presence around, it feels weird and I don’t like it. On top of all of that he wants to give ME advice on life when he know nothing about me! If I do one small thing wrong he will come at me, and say that I need to do better and that I need to work harder. He is becoming too fucking pushy as well. And I not getting used to this change at allI will say this though, I am still grateful for everything I have, I am grateful for him at least, if not providing a family, then providing money for us so that we can live without worrying about money. But enough is enough he is becoming so, infuriating it’s hard to explain through a damn letter text thing. I am 16 now, and he still does all of this shit. He still belittles my mom and I. He still has the dating apps. He still treats us like crap. He still does all of this, we live in fear of him...And because of all of this and many more things I have never known what it’s like to have a family.