Everyone in my life is abandoning me again. My friends ignore everything I say to them and then will have a whole conversation as if I did not just type in the group chat. My parents say that I need to be more independent and learn how to do things by myself but I do not thin they realize that I have gone my whole life doing that. I was cooking by the age of seven and walking myself to my bus stop by age 9. They never check my grades and just assume that I do all my work and go to my classes. Sometimes I wish they could just be there for me. Baby me a little more. I grew up way too quickly. Having to worry about if we had enough money to keep the water on or to keep food in our fridge. Worrying that this would be the week that money drove my parents apart. Sitting behind the couch in the playroom just hoping that they would stop yelling at each other. I think that biggest moment where they just left me to fend for myself was when my sister tried to kill herself. They made sure my other sisters were alright and got the help they needed from that situation but just assumed that I did not know what was going on. Little did they know though that I was in my room crying every night and creating a plan to kill myself. I did not want to live anymore. I realized that I was always going to be the least of their concerns. That I was always just going to be the background character for them. I coped with it fine for the first few years. Learned how to do things on my own. I took care of myself. I feel so lost now though. I am so afraid of growing up because I feel like I have already experienced everything that I want to. I just wish someone in my life cared a little more. Its always just me having to deal with my own problems. I have no one. It's so scary. I'm so scared. I just want someone to listen to me. I hate living like this.