I’d say i been searching for happiness but I feel I had it all along, I just didn’t see things properly.
i had out of body type feelings like disassociation and would always be sleepy in my teen years which made things sorta blissful, I’m married and feel peaceful to be a young wife, I feel I overcame my sexual abuse past encounters and can satisfy my needs without feeling mentally tortured or withheld by the evil people who hurt me. It’s freeing to let go of a man also I wanted to love me. Then I realized how some people are only good at certain moments in their life, it can’t always be in all stages of mine. Everything used to feel blurry and empty, now I feel my body and can feel alive inside it instead of letting time pass and I feel exhausted and can’t really remember.