my anxiety is getting worse day by day, i couldnt concentrate on my studies anymore, i feel too stressed, my appitete is reducing also, willingness to sleep also gone, i feel completely void, i dont know what to do anymore. i feel completely lost. unable to end, life and nothing is happening favorable to be . its getting too worse day by day , my exams are in 15 days and yet here i am still have the completed the syllabus , so arrogant and stupid of me, no one in my family know what i am going through, my parents dont know that i have suicidal thghts. i hate myself each min i am alive . i want to die but i couldnt. i failed as a daughter, i want to speak out with someone but couldnt do so with my family or my boyfriend. i have recently started using a website called chat 24 where i chat with stranger , i jst have normal talk and to some i have vent out my heart. but this site also have ppl for sext which is really irritating. but nothing is help me venting out myself in the chat or here , nothing is help , the thght of my death is not at all reducing , i feel like loser , a failure, worthless person , i lost the want to live , all i want is my death , i know it will hurt my parents but rather than having a loser and failure daughter they can be better off.
why i am i like this , when i had time y didnt i study?, y does my motivation to study goes off . y cant i study well like the old days , fully concentrated , why?
i hate myself so much. my parents are thinking that i am sitting and studying but the dont know that i am sitting in anxiety and prayer to god each min that i should die soon. i can never make them proud with attitude like mine. it really frustrating , i dont like to do anything, even songs dont interest me , nothing is keeping me distracted. i feel too pressured, its all my fault , an idiot like me doesnt deserve to be alive , i have wasted 6 months of my live ,i have started abusing myself, crusing my self , even self harm . i want to end this all. i feel like drowning in water as each day pass through. my self confidence are sinking.i dont know what to do anymore. i am feel so ashamed and angry with myself. i jst pray and wish that my life ends soon