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It's driving me crazy.

I got this story to share that I can't keep it in anymore because it's driving me nuts.

I had pretty much sheltered childhood...full of fairytale shit(& my low IQ)...and it was so bad that in my teens I couldn't take it that it was not like fairytales at all & that...this world is full of chameleon like people & with that years of my last years of school went so bad that I became a silent nerd with anxiety problems...but that was not all during those years my memories became a trigger to my madness...nd I'm scared of become a monster.....everytime situation puts me through those loathing memories..... I'll be like "Boom"....I'll become violent(destroy stuff) nd then snap... I'll cry like hell is broken...then in another moment I'll stop crying(feeling cold-blooded & lonely) nd then maybe laughing like crazy or being violent again with my desire to see blood everywhere...as if it satisfies me but then I'm scared again because I don't know when this bloodlust will take over me...it's so scary because I know what I'm doing is not right yet I won't stop behaving like psychopath it's so strange I don't know what's happening to me all I'm trying is 'control it' and keep it in.....it is so hard to keep everything...buried inside me as much as possible. It's stressing me out... with thoughts of losing my head and ending up doing something very wrong... ahhhhhhh......I'm going crazy.