I've been feeling like shit lately, and there's several reasons for that. Mostly because of some recent events, or things that happened this year, but another part of it is just all this shit that's happened in my life so far. Some of it is fairly minor, other stuff's had more of a long term impact on me. Note : There is no abuse, or bullying here! Other shit has happened, but I just wanna come out up front and say that no one has hurt me physically on purpose.At my middle school, I had no friends for 2-3 years, and that had a major impact on how I interact socially. No one interacted with me. I barley spoke to anyone, despite trying to get my opinion in during group projects(normally ignored) or trying to do vocab reviews(of which I sucked ass at). Because I had no friends, I lost most of my social skills and still struggle with talking to people that aren't my family. I am bisexual, and I've known my sexual identity for around 2 years now. I had a girlfriend for over a year, but we broke up near the end of June this year. She called me crying one day, and told me she needed a break and that we were no longer dating. This is the second we broke up, and I'm feeling like such shit. I'm not good with keeping contact with people via text alone, and I suspect that may be a reason why she left me. But, neither time we broke up has she given a reason why. The first was before a marching band competition, which made me very stressed. This time, I've just felt kinda numb. I do miss her, but we haven't talked since, but I feel like I could've been a better girlfriend for her, and wish I could've done more for and with her.I'm a C+/B- student at best, but my last few school years, I've been getting Fs, and that makes me feel like a failure. My parents and my teachers say they know I'm talented, and just have to do better, but I don't believe them. I'm not really trying in school anymore, and trying to work on things that make me feel better, like drawing. But, when I get bad grades, my parents take away or limit my phone time. Watching youtube and posting my art on the internet is something I mainly do through my phone, and those make me happy. I can't do that when I have bad grades, which makes me feel sad, which means I have less energy to do things, i.e. drawing, paying attention, doing school work etc. Then, my parents talk to me about talking to them if I need help, but I don't feel like talking because I'm sad, and because I want to do things on my own, to try to show myself I can do things and that I'll be okay when I move out and start my own life one day. It's just a cycle that I can't really escape and it's hard.My cousin is a great person, and I love them like a sibling, but they're also an asshole. They stole my original friend group from me, teased me to the point where I verbally lash out, or do something stupid, then make me feel like shit. I've tried to fix things, but I don't think it's gonna work and that I've ruined my relationship with them, but I honestly don't care. It kinda stresses out our families though, because they don't really know what happened between us, and I don't think either of us can really remember what started it all either. But I feel a bit better without them in my life nowadays.Mental Illness and Addiction runs in my family. My dad and one of my uncles both drink, tho my uncle is an alcoholic, while my dad isn't. My mom and one of my cousins(not the one mentioned above) are diagnosed with depression. My little sister has a type of autism and my youngest cousin has ADHD. I think I may have depression myself, or OCD or ADHD. I've looked into symptoms and depictions of those disorders, and i think i may have one or more of those disorders, but no one else themes to think so, so I don't really know what to do.I have bad insomina and an addiction to electronics. I spend most of my time watching youtube or reading fanfics or drawing online, because I had very limited screen time when I was younger. I'm talking 10-30 minutes a day. Now that I have a phone, a TV with an xbox one attached, and a touch screen computer, I can do whatever I want on the internet. I also stay up to 4am, like I am while writing this. I have stayed up for over 24 hours before, which I did regret, but I regularly stay up until 2-3 am and sleep until 11 am - 1 pm. I don't like my sleeping schedule, but I can't really get out of it, so I'm waiting until school starts up again to get myself sleeping at a good time.I pick scabs a lot. It started when I was in 5th grade, where I scratched at my head to 'get rid of dry skin'. I scratched to hard and constantly, that scabs formed on my scalp, then I started scratching those. I still have at least one scab one my head today, and I still scratch at it. I also have an obsession with popping pimples and pores on my face. I have scabs on my nose now, and one spot where I had something that was kinda like a wart removed, that formed because I scratched a pimple off my nose. I want to stop, because I don't want to know what people think of my scabs, but it's something that keeps me occupied, and from thinking about things I have to/don't want to do. It's another reason I think I might have ADHD or OCD, but it's just a thought.I have more stories about weird things I do, like sometimes not perfectly typing out things when I think I am, and stories about things that happened that make me think negatively about myself, like how I have over 1000 followers on instagrams, but only up to 30(if i'm lucky) people like my posts, but this is too long I think. If you read this, now you know things I've always wanted to talk about, but never did. I hope you have a good morning/afternoon/night, and that something good will happen to you soon