I'm too emotionally drained at the moment to even cry. I just feel like I need to scream, shout and finally vent without anybody knowing who I am. It's so much easier that way. My mum and dad were killed when I was very young, I barely remember them, which is fine by me I guess. I was raised by my grandparents, of which my nan died four years ago. All I had left my my grandpa, he's my best friend. He's taught me everything, I owe who I am and what I'm doing to him. Three days ago he passed away. He was alone in the hospital because nobody was allowed to visit him apart from certain hours. I've started packing up his things, most of them which mean so much to me, and it's finally hit me how alone I am. I've lost my best friend, the only blood relation I had left. I truly just want to leave this earth, what's left for me now? I've always been somewhat of a Nihilist, a non-believer if you must. I don't know if anything is waiting for us on the other side, but at this point I'd rather take my chances in the hope of seeing everyone I've ever loved again. It feels good to get this out in the open, especially where nobody knows who you are. Thank you.