4 years ago a man named Jed came into my life. He and my mum were in love. To put it straight he was always there for me and mum, and he did alot of things for us. He made amazing memories for me and mum. To this day i'll never forget them. Like taking me out on his motorbike to the countryside in the golden light of an evening. Or like canoeing down a lovely river, letting me have some of his beer. He was always boosting my confidence, joking about how I had 'a bubble butt' and that if I ran with him every day i'd get all the boys in my school coming after me. It changed me this new confidence, and I was waay happier than how I was, before Jed came. When I got 1 year in, I must have caught onto him squeezing my mum's butt, and stuff like that. So I did it to him. No, I wasn't too young to understand this was wrong, I just did it as a joke. I even licked his nipple. God knows why, I was mad. I kept asking him to do things like putting his legs together, squeezing me because i was inbetween. m on the sofa. Cause it felt nice. I was so dumb now, it was so wrong. When it was really hot in summer I went into my mum's room and layed on her bed, playing on my phone. It's nice in her room because it's cold, and her sheets are really good quality. So there I was, playing a game, Jed came in and sat on the other side, he was texting probably. I got bored of play geometry dash and put my head on his stomach, as i was tired. He put his phone down and started stroking my eyebrows, like he always did with me and mum, it was calming. I don't know how it happened, but i suddenly felt like..I wanted to have sex with him. I started trying to move under him, and moving on top of him. Rubbing against him, anything. Until, he was ontop of me. He was ontop of me and all the sexual thoughts grew stronger. He just stared at me, looking down at my eyes. I found this quite awkward so i closed my eyes, thought and then opened them again. I lent up and gave him a quick kiss. And he lent down and kissed me quickly from my chin the my shoulder. He lifted his head back up again, and I felt amazed, and pleased he would actually kiss me like that, the only awkwardness was, he didn't agree to this, and explained why this was bad. It was a long paragrapg he said to me, and he said i'd never forgive him if he continues further. I said I wouldn't mind. Then he said lets go and help your mother. She was outside, digging up our long deal lawn in the front garden, the heat was still blazing, and i didn't really want to go out. But I said o.k. As I was standing up from the bed, he almost tried to make things a little less tense by saying, I'd like you to come into me and your lovely mum's room every morning. I was a little unsteady, i said ok but, my mind was racing. What have I done?? Jesus what do I do, is this my fault?? Why did he say that?? Does he actually want to do it with me?? I want to do it with him but..it's too wrong!! I had no idea what to do, and i started having a minor panic attack, I went to my room and closed the door. I went straight to my phone and texted shout. the helpline. 6 months onwards, we have the police investigating my case, the social workers, a STARS lady and various other people. My mum thinks it was my fault, it is my fault, is it? I'm struggling to have an opinion because I don't know whether this was my fault or not. Even though what Jed did was barely anything, did he mean it? It's wrong. It's so very very wrong. But even after what happened I had dreams about making love to him. Not anymore, all i'm worried about is my mum. She's in peices and crying all the time, she shouts late at night, and she screams at the social workers. She wants Jed back. Would you want Jed back?