I have always had high hopes for me. I was the topper from class 1 to class 10 in my school. I did well in JEE and AIEEE exams and got selected in best gov college of my state. But I always felt behind others in routine tasks. And now I don’t even have a job even after graduating from an IIM. It feels like everything is lost. I don’t know how to drive a bike. I don’t know how to drive car. I am not interested in girls. I don’t have a job. I can never find love. I am 28 years old, with no job, no future. I don’t know how to tell my family that I am gay. Even if I would have had a job, I could have thought of living alone all my life without marrying. But, I don’t have one. I don’t have a source of income. I am dependent on my family from last 4 months. And I feel that this is worse.
I still want to fight. But job hunt in these times has been an emotional drain for me. I feel like I am losing this battle. If I don’t find a job soon, I will have to stay with my family and work on our shop. I don’t have a problem with working on shop. But, if I stay here, I will have to get married to a girl. I am not intrested in girls and I don’t want to spoil some girls life. I wont be able to love her. I don’t know what to do. I was proud of me. I made it to best colleges, I worked in an MNC for 4 years where my performance was extraordinary each year. I made it to IIM and I got a good placement. But Covid-19 has ruined it all. My company forced me to resign just after 3 months of joining. Since that day, I am jobless. And these 4 months has made me think that I am not good enough. I literally don’t know what to do with my life. Maybe I am a failure. Maybe I have been a failure whole my life. Maybe I will continue to be a failure.