So I've never really known how to express myself. It frustrates me because I just want someone to understand what I'm trying to convey, how I work, what I'm thinking, and what I'm feeling. For some reason, I've always been able to put anything but my true feelings into words, and I find it very annoying. Sometimes I lay in bed and think about whether or not I'll be able to tell the people who matter to me how I feel or if I'll ever find someone who understands me even if I don't tell them anything. My rants about things I've been going through and feeling never seem to make any sense, even to me and it's so irritating. heck, i don't think i understand myself anymore. I've been taking lots of personality tests just to find out why i am the way i am, and they've helped me out in some way but i still don't truly understand myself. How the heck am is supposed to make people understand me when I can't even understand myself? Sometimes I also wonder why I ended up like this. I'm pretty sure the childhood i lived was uneventful, though i can't remember much of it. My mother is alright, my dad is... eh he's fine i guess... But still Am i emotionally stunted or something? is there something wrong with me? i cant even bring myself to ask for help because i feel like i can't trust anyone around me. i feel like if i asked someone for help, they'd just look at me like i was a puppy that had been kicked, and i don't want that. I really don't like what I'm going through right now. I'm not even sure if I'm processing everything correctly. All I understand is that what I'm feeling right now isn't normal-- that being unable to discern and explain what you feel, even if those emotions aren't strong-- is abnormal. I want to fix that, but i don't know how. I want to seek help, but i don't have the courage to.