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just another angsty teen.

I've always been bigger, I'm 5'8 and for a girl that's tall i guess but my weight is the biggest issue. I've always been the fat friend my entire group has known this. last year of middle school I decided to do something about it the only way I could, so that summer I worked out and started watching what I ate. then I got a bf and we soon broke up cause teenage relationships go that way and it just worsened it. my body is unlovable and so am I so freshman year I worked harder and ate less. I lost 68 lbs and people started to complement me and encouraged me to keep going but now I'm on my 3rd year in highschool and I've gained back 20 lbs and I'm not stopping, I'm disgusting and I just can't lose more. I've ended things with my therapist, started smoking and sleeping all the time to stop from eating or even just seeing myself in mirrors, and tonight is the first time in about a year I started cutting again. I hate my body, the way I burden other people, and don't think I some skinny girl who just doesn't see how small I am. I'm 230 lbs now, morbidly obese based on my bmi and it shows. I can't even kill myself cause it would inconvenience my family and friends at the time so I have to wait till I can move out and ghost everyone till they forget about me.

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Re: just another angsty teen.

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I am in the same situation now but just that i am 175 lbs and i am in high school. I know how it feels to have all skinny people around who barely are 120 lbs. I have been working out from 6 months and i have been making healthy choices but i barely lost a pound or two But, i feel changes in my body body like more energy and stuff but its not physically seen. I had a crush on this guy and he is from Korea.. idk if u know but Korea has toxic beauty standards and i guess he wanted a girl who fits into all those standards. He rejected me and my friend took the chance and asked him out without telling me and they are dating now. I feel betrayed and its been 4 months but i still cant get it out of my mind. I liked him so much and my friend knew that.. and i keep telling my self that he doesn't deserve me but i still cant get him outta my head and i just wish i joined some other school and i wish someone can love me for who i am. But you know.. my mom always tells me that my time is coming soon and everyone time comes. we are in this together and lets take everything positive and wait for the time we can be happy.

Sorry if i made any grammatical mistakes :)