I just got a job... I should be happy! It's been about a month, already took 2 days off... I want to quit. I like working there but I just can't, don't know why or how to explain it. I cut myself, over and over... but I always end up thinking
"Not enough, cut yourself more"
"They aren't deep enough, pussy."
I'm not sure what to do anymore... If I talk to my parents they usually just say something about my meds or that I was "fine yesterday"
I sometimes wish I wasn't such a little bitch and could off myself. But honestly, I'm scared to. Living is just... hard sometimes, yknow? I don't know if anyone will read this, some might read it and call me an attention whore or something... and sometimes I wonder if I am, every single time I've tried talking to a friend they called me an attention whore or they simply just didn't care. I'm pathetic honestly, 17 years old, first job, worked a few weeks, took two days off and already wants to quit. I don't go to school, I'm pretty useless honestly. I don't have any talents and I really hate myself. My body, my hair, my eyes, the way I was built. Dying just seems easier. I have work tomorrow... I don't want to go, but I don't want them to fire me. I'm not lazy I just... I don't know how to explain it. I can't ever explain how I feel, I'm a total dumbass. I just feel empty... yet I'm sad, angry and so much more I can't even describe. I sometimes wonder if anyone feels the same way as I do, if they don't know what they're feeling. I don't even know what to write anymore... I just wanna go sit in the shower and die. I'm gonna go to bed... Goodnight.
If you read this, thanks I guess... I hope you're doing better than me, nobody deserves this. I love you.