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This is my first time here and I'm not sure how it works.... but here it goes

I have been feeling anxiety and sadness for a while not all the other times I just shake it off and act normally.... I tend to do this bec I know how a person's emotions can cause others to feel a certain way. In other words I play it off so others don't feel the negativity.

After years and years of faking it and failing a lot of different friendships I start to blame myself for everything.

I am blaming myself for not being in College, I am blaming myself for not being able to be friends with girls. I blame myself for not doing anything with my life. I just start hating myself. Even when others annoyed me like for example when others are late, I would wait for hours and hours and not get mad bec if I do I will hate myself even more. Or when other's asked for my works for our classes I send them bec if I don't I am a bad person. Till the end I broke.

After breaking out of it I thought I was done I thought I can't get worse... but I did. And I just needed to write this tiny bit bec I am not feeling the best right now and I know if I don't spend this time typing I would be hating myself more and more.