I always thought K was a good person, he was easy to talk to and he listened to me when I had problems. The problem started one night when I was 18. Me, my mother and K(my stepdad) went to S ( a friend òf my mum) for a few drinks (between Xmas and New year) we had quite a lot to drink, i felt good socialising with the people that were there ( I think C and C) and it was a good way to practice my English too. After few many drinks I was quite sleepy and S showed me where the bedroom was, so I went to bed. I was quite drunk and I fell asleep almost immediately after the room stopped spinning. I woke up at one point throughout the night while I was sleeping on my right side and k was laying behind me. He was slowly pulling down my jeans under the blanket. I didn't realise straight away and I was quite intoxicated so I just tried to scroll him off by turning a bit. He continued. He pulled down my jeans and got closer to me. He had his right art under my side, holding my breast, and his left hand slowly got inside my underwear, i could feel his er****n pressing on my back, while he was rubbing against me. He still had his jeans on and he pulled my underwear down, now rubbing his p***s on my a**&, trying to penetrate me. I did not have enough strength but I managed to stay in a position that made it difficult for him to do so. I couldn't do anything else apart from that. He tried to convince me to "play" with him, telling me "sit on it". I am sure I was quietly saying no. I kind of knew what was happening, but I did nothing. I felt fear. I feared that if someone found out what was going on they would have though it was my fault. He kept touching me and he jerked him self off, on me. I did nothing! I didnt close eye throughout the night and he fell asleep once he finished. In the morning I went to s living room, preparing my self to leave. I was in shock. I still couldn't figure out what went on throughout the night. I didn't know what to do. I told S I wanted to go home and he asked my mum if she wanted to stay or come with me. She stayed. In the meantime K woke up and told S that he would come home with me and called a cab. I didn't want to go home with K, I was scared. Once home I went straight to my room. Not long after K came upstairs and told me i shouldn't tell mum about what happened or she would be angry with us both. He then put his hand on my tight and told me "i had fun last night, I like what I touched, it felt good". I FELT SHIT!!. He was going on about it like i actually agreed upon it. I avoided him till I finally went back to Italy ( I was living with my aunt in Italy from age 3-18, but I usually spent every Xmas and summers in scotland where my mum was living from age 12-18 ). I didn't tell anyone as I was scared. 6 months went by and I kinda removed the experience from my head. Summer came by and I moved to Scotland for good (to study, I moved in with my mum). Things were kind of normal. Before the incident happened, k used to "wrestle" with me. This happened a few times now to and I have suddenly realised that this was inappropriate. He would wrestle with me, hold me to the floor and rub against me.. we have been wrestling since I was 14. Again I never mentioned, also I probably don't realise before because my mind was pure, but after what happened I started to notice many inappropriate behaviours. I was staying at my mums and I could not create any problem ( I actually wantedto be closer to my mum as I wasn't living with her for most of my life). K is my sister and brother s dad. He eventually broke up with my mum but I never mentioned what he did to me because I do not want my siblings to know who their father really is. I am also scared that if I tell someone they wont believe me. I am now 26 and I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have a great loving partner (4 years together) however i have problems being intimate. I though this would have went away with time, instead I feel this is getting worse. I don't know what to do. I am angry at myself because I did absolutely nothing. I dont know why. I just tried to pretend nothing happened and I have just let things happening to me. Why am I like this? Will this ever go away?