Just... sad.

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I'm really sad. I'm sad because I kind of feel alone. I have no one that I can share things with. The things I like, no one would be interested in and no one would even try to be interested for my sake at least so I could have someone to be happy about it with. I've learned about a witchy gay camp with a school and departments and tried to know more, I've learned about dungeons and dragons so my dad could be excited about it with me, I've learned more about different shows that my best friend watches so she could talk to me about it and have someone to share it with, but why do the things I like matter not to my friends? I get it, k-pop is stupid and they all look like girls and they're "trash" to other people but y'know it makes me happy. I love learning the choreography and learning Korean and I love all genres of music and know so much of it but- I don't have anyone to share it with. And when I try, I get so embarrassed and ridiculed that I'm just... I don't even want to share it anymore. I'm just sitting in my room watching Youtube videos of the things I like and dancing and singing.... I feel like I have to apologize because I'm listening to BTS or some other band. I feel embarrassed to ACT like a fangirl even though I'm not one. I feel embarrassed to even mention the type of music I like and for wanting to show my friends these cool dances I've learned. What's the point of learning them if no one even wants to see it? Or watch just because it makes ME happy? I sound stupid I know. It's just. Music is a part of my soul. It's the one thing I can count on no matter what happens, ever. I trust music and dancing. Somehow I haven't found a single person that I can share my favorite things with. That's how I speak, how I connect, how I communicate my feelings, how I start to feel better, how I cope with other problems, it's my home. Yet no one can make time to let me show them music or dances I've taken time to learn. It just.... sigh. It just doesn't matter. And It's stupid. And I'm dumb for wanting a connection with another friend. I'll never have that.

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