6 months ago
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Just some issues lol (ignore this)

Idk, imma just vent to myself, it’s not helpful. Just wanna vent so you probably don’t wanna read this lol.

Anyway when I was little I always felt alone, like around the age of 6-7 and that sucked cause I really didn’t have friends and my brother never wanted to hang out with me since there was such a big age gap. When I was 9 my depression got worse cause my friend left me (moved away) and the incident. It really hurts remembering that night but I just can’t forget it. My brother was pretty much my only friend and older person I could trust until I was 9, he meant everything to me, I looked up to him. After he sexually adultes me that night in my room I just couldn’t look at him the same, I didn’t understand what was wrong at the time but I just didn’t feel right around him anymore. Mom would always yell at me for never coming out of my room but that was okay as long as I didn’t have to face my brother. That’s around when I got really depressed and started cutting to ease the pain. I was sad because I had no one to talk and and no one who really cared.

Around 11-12 years old the perverts online where interested in me and that boy would always follow me home. There was this boy who after school would wait at my locker for me to come out that way he could walk me home and touch my tits. I told the school a couple times but they told me it was my fault and that he didn’t understand right from wrong (he had autism) they told me this three times and wouldn’t help me. My boyfriend at the time didn’t really care and the only person who anything about it was my friend at the time who’s name was Alex. Alex reported him to the office a couple times and only after the 5th time they did something. My parents didn’t really do much for me but they came to the meeting when the school called.

Said friend Alex also called the cops on me for trying to kill myself, he was trying to help and I get that but it made things worse for me. I ended up being forced into therapy, other kids at school found out and started to look down on me. My mom would yell at me for being depressed and it being an issue for her to take me to therapy. The counsler told me it was confidential so I told him about my brother since I wasn’t in immediate danger(my brother had moved out by then) but he told my mom anyway after promising not to. That made the family thing much worse but I was told just to never bring it up.

my friends weren’t always good and I got into sex, drugs and alcohol around that time too.

By the age of 14 my step dad tried to record me shower. My mom found out later that day and told me not to tell anyone as she believed him that it was an accident. How the heck do you accidentally hide a phone.

Afterwards i just got into more drugs to make me forget my issues so that’s a good time too. Idk, not like anyone’s gonna read this but yee.

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6 months ago

Re: Just some issues lol (ignore this)

As a survivor, there is hope out there. Keep pushing. I’m not gonna tell you the pain will ever go away, but i will say that the pain is like weight. it feels like weight and acts like it too. If you were to try and lift 300lbs it would be really heavy now, but in time, it will feel much lighter. The actual weight never gets lighter, you just get stronger, and lifting it becomes easier. You matter. I love you. :).