I'm writing this because i can percieve what i'll face ahead. I'm a 12th grader, crushing under the load of scoring well and getting a good med college. I wasted my 11th, absolutely completely, didn't study. Now, idk what to do. I agree its all my fault and i could have studies and not procrastinated, watching yt late night. Everyone else is better than me, i see nothing but darkness ahead. I'm atechyphobic, which means i'm scared of failure. I don't talk to my parents, not to my friends, nobody. I try to keep my insecurities to myself. Like i'm writing this right now, with my grandma sitting on a bed beside me and tears dripping down my eyes, resting on my specs. My face is turned to the other side tho, so she can't see me. Adding to all this is my crush. He lives in my hometown, where we moved out of. Yes, im that old skool girl who has been crushing on a guy for 5 years, not even knowing how he looks and acts for the past 3. Yes, im pretty dumb. Me and him used be toppers, competitors but still friends. Now that guy gets 690s on 720 and I'm here on 500. I just hate this situation. Idk what to do, where to go, how to get out of this phase.This is a very muddled up story, i know. I've faced this for the past 4 months or even more. I've just cried, not talked to people, not had fun, not studied either. I do try to study, a lot, but then the words pass through my brain and come out. Nothing's absorbed. I'm just stuck.