just try to help?

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i love this person. i love him with all of me. i love him so much it kills me.

but its complicated, because i didnt even know i was even capable of loving someone. i didnt know i was able to feel that emotion, i didnt know if i was ever going to be able to love someone. I have a lot of self-doubt, im a violent person, i dont care if i hurt others. i dont give two fucks if i run out into the middle of a road and someone honks at me or if they get mad and try to punch me.

i dont care if someone runs up and yells in my face, i just smile. so you see, im a fucking psycho. ive only met one other person like me, and we get along great, one of my best friends actually since i dont really even have friends.

but i fell in love, for the first time. and to be honest, i denied it over and over again, and just said, "no its not true".

but right now, this person hates me, and all I wanna do right now is say im sorry, im sorry and I miss you. I love him. I didnt know I could love him. Im an insane psycho and didnt think i was ever able to love someone.

Love wasnt in my playbook, i wasnt supposed to fall in love. Shit my dumbass even looked up the feeling, and how do you know if your in love, and what does the emotion of love feel like, and all that dumb shit. and I felt almost all of those things for this person.

but me and him arent talking a lot. its hard and its frustrating and it hurts me and pains me tremendoulsly to know that i fucked up. I have never ever cared about what other people has thought of me, I didnt care if I wore makeup in front of others, what I wore, what I did. but he makes me wanna feel pretty, feel cute, feel anything.

But he hates me, he hates me. he says he misses me he says hes sorry, he says he loves me, he says that he wants to talk to me. but I know theres a part of him that wishes we never met. I wish I could say more, but its so hard to think about him and not wanna kill myself. it pains me every second of the day, because hes all i think about. It sucks.

I wish I never have followed him on Instagram, because maybe this dumb feeling of love wouldnt have happened in the first place. I hate this feeling. I want it to just leave and never come back.

So tell me please, how tf do you fall out of love?

please help lol