I honestly just write out my feelings that I can't really tell anyone, and dump them here to be forgotten. At least, temporarily until the feelings themselves return.
I feel like a lot of people I let into my life take advantage of me or hurt me somehow. Not just the obviously toxic ones, but the good, respectable ones too. Right now it's my in-laws. They seem to put me in my place before I do anything, even though I've never done anything to them. Let alone anyone. I don't feel welcome among them, even though I've considered them family. Only recently have they accepted me as family because I've had a child of their brother. But there's still a cold distance and I really just end up feeling like a burden, screw up, and a failure. Not much different from how I feel with my own family. Maybe this time, I'll have the courage to say" Sorry, but I don't want to do this because I. don't .want .to." Without having to feel like I need to prove something to them, even though it always seems to backfire. And it usually backfires either way I go. I really just want to be successful and happy with myself and my life. I don't know why I keep feeling depressed about this.