I had a bad experience with a supposed trans woman as my first known trans interaction. I say supposed, because they never ever said a word about having gender dysphoria and they never really seemed to try to look feminine even when they could have. they had a bad home life and so they said that's why they couldn't dress feminine, but I still think they could've shaved their face or something. it was bad facial hair that wouldnt have been attractive on a man either, so it seems reasonable to me that they could've done that. when with friends and given the opportunity to dress more feminine, they didnt take it. I also struggled to see such a masculine not-at-all female looking person as a woman. it was hard. I used their pronouns and called them by their new name, but it always felt off to me. I tried to respect it but it was so hard to believe.on top of this, they had a very creepy crush on me. had my friend give me a letter where they said they liked my chest "(yes in that way)". I was extremely uncomfortable to learn they were looking at my breasts and decided to tell me so. they also wrote about how soft my hands must be despite having never touched them. it was a whole paragraph on just my hands. in person, they complimented my leg hair, which as a woman, I tried to hide and hoped no one saw (I'm too lazy to shave all the time, sue me.) I felt extremely uncomfortable because I hated that it was noticeable and it was very very very weird to me that someone would also like it. I understand and support not caring about leg hair, but liking it felt very weird.they claimed to have loved me after only knowing me for two weeks. the second I said I got into a relationship (i didnt, i just said that so i didn't have to deal with the confrontation of them asking me out) they suddenly decided they didnt actually care. it was weird and uncomfortable. also annoying and naive.I was too nervous and nice to voice my discomfort about it all when it was happening, and I was glad to have managed to distance myself a couple months later.I blame this first interaction on my mild transphobia. I hate that I'm mildly transphobic because I want to be inclusive and kind, but it's just the truth. I haven't had any other long lasting trans interactions since, and so I just hope that the next trans person I meet will remedy my transphobic thoughts and ideas.I mostly wrote this because I dont like feeling like crap all the time hiding the fact I'm transphobic from my very very inclusive friend. I know it isnt right but its tiring to keep it to myself.I dont feel comfortable around trans people. probably just because I've never had a lasting conversation with anyone but the creepy one. it's still hard though because I often feel very negative thoughts towards those I see on the internet. please dont be angry with me being transphobic, I'm really really trying. this is me admitting it to the world so I can lift the weight of it off my shoulders just a little. I'm working towards being better, but damn is it hard. I dont like being uncomfortable around people for no real reason either. at least with men i can say it's because I've had several emotionally and physically abusive relationships with men, both platonic and romantic (though physically only platonic), and find nice ones hard to find, making me extremely distrustful. theres really no reason for me to decide that all trans people are unsettling or gross, other than an experience with one person I unfortunately met. I know I shouldn't judge everyone off of one person, which is why I'm trying to move past it. sorry again, but I'm venting.