5 months ago
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Just wanna let it all out

when i was 14 my mom chocked me and tried to kill me for a stupid reason She also chased my cat with a knife trying to kill her, she abuses me everyday, my dad too, i have lot of scars on my hand, my back because of them, I’m mentally destroyed i hate myself and I don’t wanna be here anymore I’m only 15 now and i already gave up on life, what really hurt is that whenever they get close to me i start tearing up and i get so angry and whenever they try to touch me like a normal touch i start panicking, it hurts when i see people hugging their parents to feel safe, when they get scared they always run to their parents but i run away from mine to feel safe, they’re the reason im always scared I can’t feel safe in my own house this isn’t home idk where home is but i wanna feel like im home I wanna go home yk? sorry ik my english sucks, and therapy isn’t an option cuz they know they’re the reason I’m depressed and suic*dal but they will never admit it i have 5 siblings 5 and they all act like this is normal, they’re in denial and they don’t see that im suffering here, I can’t sleep at night my heart aches all the time and idk why sometimes it starts beating fast and I can’t breathe, school was the only escape even though i get bullied there and lot if people hate me just because im always tired and i look like a mess , and because I don’t talk, they don’t know what’s going on I’m really trying my best to stay but no one’s helping, I opened up to one of my friends about it and she got bored and now she’s ignoring me all the time she never answer my texts she found a new friend that”LiVeS a NoRmAl LiFe” I’m not mad she deserves someone better than me but .. well actually I’m so mad cuz she promised me she promised she will never leave and she’ll always be there for me no matter what but she’s not here she got bored and she’s avoiding me now, i even told her that “I don’t wanna be here anymore” and she just didn’t care? i can’t do this anymore there’s voices in my head every time i feel good or smile a little the voices ruin it for me, idk maybe sometimes it’s okay to give up i used to be the happy Kid no matter what i always make people smile but now .. I can’t handle it anymore idk how things got so hard idk how I handled it before, I’m not strong anymore im weak i won’t fight anymore there’s no point,I’m sorry but I’m leaving soon and if you’re reading this please don’t be weak like me and stay okay?

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5 months ago

Re: Just wanna let it all out

bro you got this, it's okay. I hate my parents as well but they aren't physically abusive damn. whenever i feel the need to kill myself i usually just cut instead, its a "better" alternative but still not that good. Please don't leave i love you and it is going to be okay. And since you're 15 you only have 3 more years of living with them!!! or maybe even less once you can drive and maybe move in with a friend/partner/grandparent?? i hope you are okay right now and i will be thinking about you<3