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Just wanted to vent

I am PATHETIC. I break down so freaking easily. How can I stop myself from crying? I can't hold it in. I hate this. I hate myself. It's just a simple thing but why do I care so much. I don't understand anything. I'm not learning anything anymore. I just wanted to finish things quickly so that I won't be troubled anymore. I really wish to have normal classes again, I hate having to think about the deadline, having no time to eat, reduced sleep, and no teacher to guide me. In the past, I can still have time to bond with friends, relax, and enjoy learning. Now it's just complying and finding answers. Some say it's easy if I put in hard work but I just can't keep up.

They say don't stress, I say that too, but how come I cry about it. Hypocrite. I don't want them to see me like this, they'll just think that I'm overly dramatic. I'm so LAZY. I procrastinate. I don't know if I even make sense anymore, I'm so tired. I've been holding myself back from breaking down because there are always people at home. I hate COVID, I can't even take my time to cry and let it all out. That's all. I'm sorry for not making sense, I just wanted to vent.