6 months ago
Time Spent- 7m
16 Visitors

JUST......NEED SOME AFFECTION

People always recommend me to listen to music when feeling down. (never revealed that i was lonely and needed affection because of extreme trust issues. Really regretted trusting a specific someone) Initially, it was healing for me, but gradually that healing effect started fading away as I gradually realised that there is literally no one who I could trust blindly. Not even my parents and siblings. I am really afraid of someone disregarding my feeling to being an 'attention seeker' and 'demanding'. I am afraid to trust someone but seeking for someone to trust. I am not seeking for parental affection but rather lover's affection, but in this society of high expectation of someone's physically capacities, I am nowhere near someone's ideal type. The music these days just keeps on reminding me continuously of how much lonely I am. How much of fun I am missing out. How much of a loser I am. How much of an useless person I am. This pandemic was like a reality slap for me as even after lock down, nothing much changed in my lifestyle, just the fact that I started to have online classes. This hits hard at night so bad that gradually i am losing my sleep. These days, I have always been feeling sleep around 5:30 AM and i have no idea how to improve my sleeping habits. Google and youtube ain't helping much in this as well. I think i need some help from professionals but i live in a country where if u go to a mental health professional, u are considered to be a crazy bitch. I feel so helpless and alone....