Yesterday was the day i cut myself for the first time. When i saw the blood, it didn't even scare me or make me think twice about what i had just done. It wasn't a a deep cut, but deep enough to make a difference. The funny thing is, i didn't even feel the pain when i cut myself. it just felt like the right thing to do. And the reason? well, the people around me constantly remind me that no matter how hard i try it'll never be enough.My biggest fear, like THE BIGGEST fear is not being enough- not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough. And i'm constantly reminded that i'll never be enough.I'm wearing full sleeved t shirts coz no one should know of the atrocious act i just committed. I just took a scissor and did it. and it brought me peace. it helped me. i know its bad but its the only way i can get away from this gut wrenching pain.its not that i want to kill myself. its just that i dont want to feel this pain , this mental torture anymore. i can definitely try to not do it again, but i make no promises.i havent told this to anyone. not a single soul. i have lost all hope and faith in people. noone will ever understand this pain.i don't know how i'm gonna manage this pain anymore, certainly not kill myself, thats for sure. coz i dont wanna put others in pain over me.its just that.......its like i am already dead inside!