Around the beginning of October, I didn't want to die. Granted, I didn't want to live, but I didn't want to die either if that makes any sense. This made me feel great about myself, but now I just feel stupid and disappointed that i'm right back to wanting to die again. Nothing is happening in my life right now. I don't have any friends to talk to. Being around my family is exhausting considering they'd probably disown me if they knew about who I actually am (Hell, my father literally told me he'd disown me if I were transgender, which I am...). I'm already failing school. and to top it all off, I've never been in a serious relationship and it's making me feel like shit. I want to be with someone but not only do I not know anyone, I've never even had feelings for someone and it makes me think, "Am I even capable pf developing feelings for someone?". I haven't even graduated high school yet, i'm not even that old. I get jealous as fuck easily so that doesn't help anything. I'm starting to go numb again and it's frustrating.