Life rant

Time Spent- 42m
13 Visitors

My whole life I’ve always felt insignificant and compared myself to my sister. She was everything that I wasn’t. People loved being around her so when my friends met her they drifted away from me and became her friends instead. She’s always been smarter than me. She’s more athletic than me. And I felt like my family liked her more than me. They used to call me the bad child because I always got in trouble for being stupid and my sister took advantage of that a few times. I felt like crap but I never cried except whenever I was physically hurt. Later I started to think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t cry. Later my dad told my sister and I that he got a girlfriend and was going to divorce our mom. My sister cried a lot but I still didn’t even shed a tear. In the end my dad stayed with my mom and his girlfriend broke up with him. My mom still hasn’t forgiven him. When I finally went a new school I was still lonely. My mom said it’s cause I don’t try to reach out to people but the truth is I tried so many times. Other kids have always given me weird looks instead and don’t wanna speak with me. I watch from afar. When I finally got friends they were all guys(I’m a girl) it was fun but you can’t really girl talk with guys. I finally got girl friends when I got into anime. It’s my life now, it was the first thing in forever that made me cry from emotion, it always puts a smile on my face when I’m sad. But when I told my parents they started making fun of me for it. I don’t mind anything that anyone ever says to me but my own parents were making fun of me for enjoying the only thing that makes me happy hurt. After a while i realized that I love my sister a lot. Recently my sister slacks off and I suddenly became the good girl of the family. It pissed me off so much how easily they change their opinion because of that when my whole life I’ve had to work twice as hard for half of the appreciation when people celebrate my sister just for showing up. But I also love my sister a lot, she makes fun of me for caring tho so I have to act like a tsundere to her but I try my best to take care of her. She isn’t very good at cleaning or housework so I usually take care of it when my parents are out but she’s the older sister. She recently got a boyfriend and they’re inseparable, basically the same person. I’m happy for her (but I gotta seem like a tsundere) but when I see them together I feel really lonely again. It’s selfish to ask for so much tho. The thing is when I hang out with my friends it’s great but socializing exhausts me a lot. Anyway sorry about my rant but I hate therapists and parents just never understand and try to belittle your feelings and problems.