I met a guy online when I was 18 years old. This when the internet was just becoming a thing. I am 45 now. We fell deeply in love before we even met or saw pictures of each other. We'd stay on the phone all night long and unfortunately at the time he was going thru a really bad time and he'd disappear from time to time and then just pop back up. That would always hurt me to the core. We met in 1994 and the connection was indescribable. We have stayed in touch all these years even though I met my future husband when I turned 20. I got married and had 3 kids. My husband got to know him as well and knew our history. My husband passed away unexpectedly last year and my conversations with this guy have really ramped up. He lives 2000 miles away. He got married a year and a half ago and is in a very unhappy marriage (really, not a front for him, she has left him more than once due to her alcohol problems and cheating). He is leaving her, they are separated. He said he finally deserves me and will not hurt me like he knows would have happened in the past bc he wasn't in a good place in his life. I have been in love with him for all of my adult life and feel he is the ONLY person in the world who TRULY gets me and vice versa. He said when he was finally ready and in a good spot for an actual relationship that I was in one and he didn't want to step on it so he took a step back. Last night we video chatted for 7 hours. I finally saw him naked and him me. We have never done anything more than kiss passionately for hours at a time. I don't know why we never had sex. I don't know if I'm foolish to pursue this. Due to the pandemic, neither of us will travel to see each other but I'm seriously considering eventually moving to where he is but of course have to consider my children's feelings in all of this. Who knows if we could really make it work. I've had a lifelong yearning for him. I hadn't talked to him in 2 months when last night I was taking a pic of something silly to send him when all of a sudden my messenger went off with a message from him. Ugh, I don't even know what the point of any of this is. I feel like we was meant for me from the start and it just never worked out.