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Living is pain

I only live for my family, friends, and others. I’m not afraid of death, or what happens after, but afraid that I would make an impact on everyone that just made everyone sad, blameful, and more. I wish it could be night time forever, so I didn’t have to face reality. It’s selfish, I know. But I’m simply afraid that I would cause a gaslight situation where my friends and family would just feel worse, more painful, and would attempt to do what I did. And I don’t want that. I want them to grow and be successful, have the time of their lives, I want them to be happy. So all I can do is keep this all to myself and hide my feelings by bottling them up inside of me.