I am sick all the time..I an tired of being sick..I have an auto immune disease .So I am in and out of hospital all the time.Its difficult to even wakeup each day.Well I need a break..This is emotionally draining and I needed a place to pour out my pain.what i am going through!!

I am sick all the time..I an tired of being sick..I have an auto immune disease .So I am in and out of hospital all the time.Its difficult to even wakeup each day.Well I need a break..This is emotionally draining and I needed a place to pour out my pain.what i am going through!! 

Everything suddenly looks hard to achieve. Even the simplest of the simplest things of live.. love relationships marriage job children.. In my wildest dreams I never would have thought living a life would be such a task. I always wanted to move at a fast pace and go places. Today everything seems to have reached a standatill.Although hope remains.. all will be good all will be better. Someday soon .. !

Everything suddenly looks hard to achieve. Even the simplest of the simplest things of live.. love relationships marriage job children.. In my wildest dreams I never would have thought living a life would be such a task. I always wanted to move at a fast pace and go places. Today everything seems to have reached a standatill.Although hope remains.. all will be good all will be better. Someday soon .. !

Re: Living with a disease!!#2

Today i felt a part of me die!! I woke up opened my chat hopefully for a message that would read “ Honey im home”..instead i got a message that read “ Too much stress .. i am moving out for a while now”..I usually would have reacted with a shock cause i was expecting him to come home and hug me and said he missed me after he went on a vacation to relieve stress.But this time I felt guilty because I have started realising that I am the “stress”, not just in his life but many more peoples’ lives ! I can only watch in silence as things unfold

Today i felt a part of me die!! I woke up opened my chat hopefully for a message that would read “ Honey im home”..instead i got a message that read “ Too much stress .. i am moving out for a while now”..I usually would have reacted with a shock cause i was expecting him to come home and hug me and said he missed me after he went on a vacation to relieve stress.But this time I felt guilty because I have started realising that  I am the “stress”, not just in his life but many more peoples’ lives ! I can only watch in silence as things unfold 

Re: Living with a disease!!#3

Test Day!! Yes its test day.I am not talking about the college exams..tat was long gone and done with.The medical tests -today is the schedules day, once in every two months when i have to get tested .I am scared of needles or may be I have grown scared of them lately. They draw tubes of blood and I feel dizzy for a week.I dont wanna move or talk or even eat. Then comes the waiting. Did i do okay? Are my organs failing? Is there enough wbc rbc or may b more of them? If something is wrong; I have to go back to daily doctor visits-so exhausting. Even the thought drains all the energy out of me!

Test Day!! Yes its test day.I am not talking about the college exams..tat was long gone and done with.The medical tests -today is the schedules day, once in every two months when i have to get tested .I am scared of needles or may be I have grown scared of them lately. They draw tubes of blood and I feel dizzy for a week.I dont wanna move or talk or even eat. Then comes the waiting. Did i do okay? Are my organs failing? Is there enough wbc rbc or may b more of them? If something is wrong; I have to go back to daily doctor visits-so exhausting. Even the thought drains all the energy out of me!

Re: Living with a disease!!#4

So everybody whom I talk to either tell me to stay strong or positive ,or to pray .This isn't giving me space to be vulnerable even in my weakest moment. It is causing a whole lot of mental stress not being able to express myself to anyone around me. I am scared and stressed sometimes . But all these good talks are making me feel embarrassed at times when I don't want to be strong . I just want to be free in my heart in my head for a day!!

So everybody whom I talk to either tell me to stay strong or positive ,or to pray .This isn't giving me space to be vulnerable even in my weakest moment. It is causing a whole lot of mental stress not being able to express myself to anyone around me.I am scared and stressed sometimes . But all these good talks are making me feel embarrassed at times when I don't want to be strong . I just want to be free in my heart in my head for a day!! 

Re: Living with a disease!!#5

I feel like whatever i do is never enough!! I have been diagnosed with another infection in a part of my body.aaahhhh!! I have again gotto pretend like its all good im fine everything will be okay once i see a doctor. Asking myself if even living is worth it. Im keeping everyone away from what they really want to do in THEIR LIFE costing them time and money and resources. Im starting to get a feeling that they are stuck here coz of me. Like love is now barely the reason. Everyones staying just for the sympathy and empathy.

I feel like whatever i do is never enough!! I have been diagnosed with another infection in a part of my body.aaahhhh!! I have again gotto pretend like its all good im fine everything will be okay once i see a doctor. Asking myself if even living is worth it. Im keeping everyone away from what they really want to do in THEIR LIFE costing them time and money and resources. Im starting to get a feeling that they are stuck here coz of me. Like love is now barely the reason. Everyones staying just for the sympathy and empathy.

Re: Living with a disease!!#6

Being an introvert I find it hard to talk to people about these things I go through each day.But writing here is really helping me open up.I read other people’s stories and I feel Im not alone. Everyones fighting some or the other things in life. I hope everyone finds courage and support here.I sometimes feel really really low. Today was such a day. I didn’t have anything particular to write but I like coming here and reading posts.Feels like a safe place :)

Being an introvert I find it hard to talk to people about these things I go through each day.But writing here is really helping me open up.I read other people’s stories and I feel Im not alone. Everyones fighting some or the other things in life. I hope everyone finds courage and support here.I sometimes feel really really low. Today was such a day. I didn’t have anything particular to write but I like coming here and reading posts.Feels like a safe place :)

Re: Living with a disease!!#7

Happy Newyear me!! I got break for a small interval during Xmas from my sufferings and pain ;can’t be more thankful. Instead of pointless rants going nowhere i might as well write something positive for my future self to motivate her .So here it is..Dear future WW, You are strong fearless kind and beautiful.At some-point in life you thought you were not going to make it, but you did.So remember never to give up on yourself.Keep fighting every odds. Life is worth it!! 🥰

Happy Newyear me!! I got break for a small interval during Xmas from my sufferings and pain ;can’t be more thankful. Instead of pointless rants going nowhere i might as well write something positive for my future self to motivate her .So here it is..Dear future WW,You are strong fearless kind and beautiful.At some-point in life you thought you were not going to make it, but you did.So remember never to give up on yourself.Keep fighting every odds. Life is worth it!! 🥰