I have no reason to feel lonely. I come from a moderately loving family and have plenty of friends. And yet, I cat help but feel completely alone, as a lie in my room in the dark. Everyone seems busy, progressing with their own lives, dealing with the problems as they come. And yet, here I am, obsessing over my problems, overthinking them, making them much bigger than they need to be, involving others and confiding in them rather than letting them deal with their own lives. Logically, I know that none of this is wrong, that this is something everyone does, but I can't help but feel guilty every time I want to talk to someone, every time I need someone. And every time someone talks to me, even my family, it feels like they do it out of obligation, out of pity. And I have this tendency to make myself scarce at the first sign that I'm not want around, sometimes even when such a sign is not there. I withdraw inward and isolate myself from the people that love me. But lately, it's begun to hurt just how many people don't even notice that I haven't initiated conversation with them in months and just how content they are to let that become the new normal. So I drown myself in music and mindless youtube videos, to try and ignore how much I crave the intimacy that comes with having someone who wants nothing but to be around you, just like you do them. I know I'm a fault too, for pushing people away, for letting people go too easily. I just hope someday, that I'll find someone who'll see past all that, or someone I'd trust enough to confide all this to.
13 days ago
i am getting depresed from the day I started to express myself.....
i have always been an introvert at expressing my feeling or speaking to anybody about anything I feel. but I have always been a good speaker too but not that good at expressing my feelings to my parents too. one day I was asked to be expressive and also suggested to be little expressive and socialistic . i tried and started to be expressive at least in my house about my feelings . at the beginning it seemed really nice and enjoyed sharing my thoughts and emotional feeling to my family. but you know what! that didn't last long ...Myself being too much emotional at things letted them to last the patient or interest to hear to me .May be its the work or how I feel made them getting bored at my talks .They are worried about my feeling initially and later it only kept having a bad opinion. They became reluctant of what I express. i realised not expressing everything would be good and once if I stop it .my parents suggest me not be introvert and to feel free. but I personally feel like its ok to express but not every sorrow feeling because , they are not ok with it and I get hurt always . May they want to help me but I not ok with that .Its getting hard for me to put my feelings inside of me as got habituated to express. but I am getting back to my path of being an introvert ....