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Lonely and anxious

It started 2 years ago, something happened that changed my whole life. I thought im over it but im not. I felt nothing, like I've become more passive than ever. I wasn't what i used to be. I became anxious at first, fearinf that i may lose someone, thoughts of losing someone, my mind was fleeing at night, and grief. I was grieving still and i never understood that. I didn't have a lot of friends, maybe that's why. And then last year occured. My anxiety worsened, earthquakes suddenly popped out of nowhere. My sister has depression and lives outside of town for school so my m prioritizwd her and i never felt so lonely by that time. I wake up to no one and go straight to school, going home finding no one around. My aunt and grandmother would call and ask me from time tl time to visit them but I cant, I refused most of the time. One thing was that i opted on focusing on my studies. I got stressed, too stressed that i didnt know what i was doing. I then started to think about mt weight. Yes, my fucking weight of all things. I started trying to lose weight thinking that i have control over it, that i looked better. Then i got busy again. This time, stress was taking over my body. I just ate because i needed to live. I eventually ended up on my lowest weight on scale, 38 kg at 5'2, not much but it was alarming for my parents. Academic stress changed my physical health and altered my way of thinking. During that time, i felt too bad about everything. I had mental breakdowns and anxiety attacks without any professional support. For now, i just wanted to vent everything out. Being back at school virtually is worse. Online classes are stressful, and im stressed after just 3 weeks of online learning. It's very different from the traditional system, incomparable tbh. Not to mention, im a transferee student, unfamiliar with the new school and new normal, lonely, anxious, and scared. Im surprised im still holding on because i need to.

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Re: Lonely and anxious

I thought that maybe i could be able to regain myself especially this time, i had 4 months off at all the stressful school works, i thought that I'm going to be back and face another school year fresh and start new. I was wrong. It has gotten worse than ever. Im having a hard time interacting with my new classmates. They're forming their own friend groups and i have never felt so left out in my entire existence. I wasn't like this and i feel too bad for myself, for what i have become.

Hey, I'm so sorry for everything. My friend says I apologize too much and it's probably true but I can't help it. Reading your post just makes me feel sorry. Not the "pity" sorry. But just sorry in general for everything that's going on with you. I read somewhere that all of us are like the roots of grass and so all of us interconnected. So I guess that this makes me somewhat responsible for everything happening to you. And also because I'm sorry for myself. I feel just the way you are and I think this is my way of offering myself some consolation.

I apologize if i have ever triggered you in some way. I just wanted to express myself after a long time. Without anyone to lean on, without any shoulder to cry on, this is my only hope. Im very thankful to anyone who replied, it gave me atleast a bit of hope, that someone, someone out there actually reaches out and cares for someone they barely know. May you be blessed and loved

Always


I can be the shoulder to cry on (virtually). And don't you ever think that there is no one with you whom you can talk to. After all, I know you would do the same for me too.


Ps. pls tell me you what that always means. Pls tell me you understand the context.