losing my mind

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ok this is just a rant with no organization, i just need to get this out there. i need to be sick. i need to have schizophrenia, or bipolar, or borderline personality disorder, i must have something. bipolar runs in my family but if i dont have it i feel the need to fake it, not sure why because i have a loving family and kind friends. i just need to have attention, and i really want to be sick. i want tourettes, i want the funny tics and the tic attacks. i want maladaptive daydreaming disorder. i want to see things out of the corner of my eyes and have hallucinations. i have been manipulated into kissing someone i didnt like, was groomed twice and i have cut myself. i think i have depression and bipolar disorder, and my best friend is super super toxic, but i think im in love with her. at times i want to kill her, and she gets on my nerves and shes really annoying, but sometimes we hold hands and all i want to do is cuddle with her and kiss her and have her love me back. im 13 and if this is my life now, i dont want to live it anymore. especially if all i hear is "it only gets harder from here" all the time. bye.

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