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Lost

I ruined a relationship because of my need to control everything and my anger. I was jealous all the time. I got lazy and didn't do anything. I had to leave our home with our pet pig. I went back home to my dad's house where it is toxic in every way possible. I was suppose to give her space and I couldn't at first. I wanted to work things out like she said we could instead of waiting and giving her time to miss me. fast forward to today. I am back in college to become a paramedic and I am working hard at it. She looks at my snap story and she messages me from time to time. she says she is happy with how things are right now the distance and the talking like we are friends. my home situation sucks everyone is so wrapped around my brother and his wife. I pretty much hide in my room to avoid them giving me a hard time. I am trying to stay strong and be nice. I helped get my brother and his wife into school, but I still end up the bad guy. my step mom takes her anger that they cause out on me and my pig.( Yes the pig sleeps inside lol) . I wish I had a way to talk to my ex and I wish that I could go home to her and just show her it wont be the same. I know I can't the whole situation feels hopeless. I finally started being kinder to myself and working on the things I said I would, but I guess it is too late. I keep trying to help others going through a tough time partly because I know how it feels, and partly because I feel like if I do enough good deeds it will bring her back. I know I should help for the sake of helping someone, and that is why I do it... Mostly, But part of me has this tiny hope that by doing the right thing enough the universe will see and give me another chance with her. I know it all sounds stupid, and I am losing hope. I feel lost. I don't know what to do. I am starting to lose interest in the things that meant the most to me. I am becoming angry waiting and hoping. I know I should move on, but something keeps me here waiting. I just need help. Not the help that I want to hurt myself, but a sign or a nudge in the right direction.

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Re: Lost.

Focus on you, only you. Find means to move into your own place and figure out who you are. The only way to grow is to let go of the past and remove yourself from toxic situations.

stop letting people use you

stop letting people walk on you

stop letting people treat you poorly