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Lost at 15

  • My chance of love was lost when I was 15 l meet a guy that became obsessed with me. He was 6 years older then me already an adult. He chased me for three months I didn’t want nothing to do with him but eventually he convinced me to be his. I lost myself in him. He treated me like a princess whatever I wanted I got no wasent a word I heard from him. Then one day everything changed I was wearing white to an all white party that I hosted in his place we had already fought before he was passed out on the couch I thought nothing of it when I let everyone else in at midnight he woke up he saw me accused me of being a whore bet me and then bit my face by the time he let me go I was soaked in my own blood. I went to the hospital got shots and stitches i was gonna leave him but then three days later I found out I was pregnant. I covered for him I didn’t want to press chargers i covered for him 7 more times he bet pregnant stabbed me while I was pregnant would stalk me endlessly. I finally left him I was 20 I finally left. I thought I was free but I am now 29 and I realize I will never be free. I am still his Victim he is still my abuser I have a masters degree in biology and I am still a child with a child. I still feel scared there are days I wake up crying screaming I am always in pain I feel trapped in time. I still feel every beating he ever gave me and I can’t breath I cry in my closet I am still broken worst of all I wanted more children but I am to scared to have any because I don’t Believe I am worthy of a good man because who could live a girl that got beat and pregnant at 16. The only man that loved me turned out to be a monster that I still can’t escape I wish I could be free of my past but I live on it everyday.