Lost Dreams

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Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamt of having a successful career, a loving husband, and wonderful kids. I’ve always thought I’d be married at the age of 25 with the love of my life. Having the best life, every girl would be jealous of. Fast forward to now. I am 35, with no job, no savings, and no boyfriend. Never did I imagine that my life would turn out to be like this. Even in my 20s, I’ve at least thought that when I turn 30, I would have figured everything out. Even without a family of my own, or even a boyfriend, I would have at least been a successful, independent woman. But that’s far off from where I am now. I don’t even have enough money to pay for my monthly bills. Yes, what a woman I have become. I always go back to the choices I have made when I was younger. Was I not good enough at school or at work? Why didn’t I have the confidence of other people? Why do I feel so mediocre in everything that I do? Even in the things that I’m passionate about, I always struggle and find that I’m not as good as I wanted to be. I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to my career anymore. I used to have so many plans, so many ideas, on how to be successful or on how to get to a job that I really like. But now I feel so lost. The things that I thought I wanted or felt that I was passionate about is now so far from me. I just wish I could figure things out soon. No direction/guidance whatsoever. Just holding on to hope that God would be able to show me the next step or where I need to go. And maybe, just maybe, I can have the life that I’ve always dreamed of by the time that I’m in my 40s.

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