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Lost feelings

I don't know what I feel anymore , it all felt like a lifetime, yet here I'm feeling nothing , literally nothing , I don't know why but let me tell you this all confuses you a bit, it all started when I was in 8th grade . We three were besties and this a story of how I fell for my besties ex ,so unexpectedly . I tried , when I say I tried I really tried my maximum to back off , but no he had this strong effect in me , that even after how much effort I take I just bounce back to him. He always confused me , at once it's like he don't even care and when I make up my mind and tries to back off and stops talking with him , booom there he is in my inbox , I just can't resist or god can't just help me there