I feel like I fall in love with my best friends. I always joke have joked around with them telling them things like that. But I’m not the type of person who tells people how I really feel about them. But eventually I think will eventually drift apart so I feel there is no reason for me to tell them how I really feel since it always ends like this. My first crush was on my best friend in kindergarten. I heard about gay people and idk how I learned about it but I thought it was just you marrying ur best friend and like I still have the love of a normal straight couple. Idk I still kinda still base who I like after this still. Like I want a bond with my partner to be a friendship but even more idk. I didn’t know I was gay at the time. I was just very confused probably like the other people in the lgbtq+ community. Anyways I wanted to marry my best friend I thought she was the coolest and she was so pretty and kind. I never told her I had a crush on her and we slowly drifted in middle school. And in 8th grade it seemed we were completely different so we drifted. Idk it was getting to the point where I just didnt want to be her friend anymore because we had nothing incommon or anything to talk about. we weren’t close anymore so I would ask myself y I’m still friends with her. When we got to high school we were in the same circles kinda but we weren’t close friends anymore. This story doesn’t really have a point. But idk. I always find myself falling for my best friends. Like I would move on to the next person as if I was with the person even though we were never really together. Idk I feel i will toss people away if I don’t feel close to them anymore or just slowly disappear from their life. I mean that can be kinda bad because like you shouldn’t use people. But idk I was really interested so idk if I was “using” them. Maybe it’s like we just lost ours spark so what’s the point in me putting in effort if there is nothing there. I mean it can be positive because it helps me cut off people. But sometimes I still hold on to people who are toxic just because I don’t want to be alone.