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love?

have you ever thought what life would be like if love didn't exist? wouldn't have the feeling of jealousy over a guy and just shit like that. at times I wish it didn't exist the amount of times I've cried over someone who probably dint even care about me is quite ridiculous and I think a lot of you can relate. at this moment in my life I just wanna f**k a guy let my virginity go and just live my life with no worries but there's just this guy I'm head over heals for I just don't know how to tell him. my friends say it won't work and I dint want them getting in his ear about me cause that's just going to f**k shit upend ill probably end up with no friends at the end of the day cause everyone lets me down, I don't even have someone I can call my best friend cause I k ow I don't have that title for them. I really don't even know what I'm doing here writing this but I'm tearing up. I've let everything build up to much and there's a to of shit people don't see. I just want someone to care about me like I would for them. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK?? I don't know you decide.