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Love myself, but hate my life

Time Spent- 12m
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I come from a family which believes in Islam. We are not allowed to hear any kind of music and watch any dance as it is considered haram in our religion. (haram- prohibited)

But I really like to listen to BTS as their music style is so good and they have so much moral. But this all is a secret from my family as they would likely kill me if I tell them this.

They cannot understand my love and affection for BTS. They really cannot understand me.

I am helpless. I have to listen and watch BTS secretly from my parents,of which I feel so guilty.

But I cannot stay away from BTS as they are my life. Do not think of me as an overly obsessed koreaboo. I just love the way they live their life with tons of moral and good things. That's what I love the most about BTS.

I feel so guilty about keeping such a huge secret, yet I cannot leave listening to and supporting BTS.

And do not tell me to tell this to my family. They will obiviously not understand me. My mom found out about me finding interest in songs to years ago and she scolded me so hard. I cannot forget that day.