I have never felt so alone in my life... in my senior year of high school I broke up with my boyfriend of three years because I knew I was stopping myself from doing what I really wanted to do. Our relationship was perfectly fine, some might say it was like the love you see in movies, but I had to work on myself so I did. i was doing amazing for the first 6 months because I felt free but then he met someone else and it broke me a little because his sister would tell me that he wasn't doing well but when I saw him he was perfectly happy and already in a new relationship... its been over two years and they are still together but I am happy for them now. But the problem is that I am not happy for myself... I have talked to two people since that relationship and both of them hurt me pretty bad but that was a year ago and I havent talked to anyone since. The last guy I talked to sort of took advantage of me, we are going to call him Joe. Well me and Joe worked together with Joe's good friend Bob and Bob's girlfriend at the time also worked their and she was my bestfriend. When Joe took advantage of me, the only person I knew would truly believe me and care was Bob... I trusted and told everything to Bob and he has kept my secret for over a year now and I know he will never tell anyone what happened. At the end of July 2020 my sister paid to get her car cleaned by a friend of ours...well guess who was there... Bob. This was the first time I had seen him in over a year. Later that day when I dropped my sister off to pick her car up, I stayed and talked for a short time but my sister stayed longer than I did. When my sister got back home she told me that Bob was asking questions about me (both of us are single btw). My sister can be dramatic at times so I made her tell me EXACTLY what happened... after that I couldn't stop thinking about Bob. So we are now in November 2020 and Bob is still in my head, and he also happens to live in the same apartment complex as me and we go to the same college and we are the same age. I snapchatted Bob and we had been steady snapchatting back and forth for about a month but two days ago he stopped snapchatting me like he was before. Before I saw Bob in July I was becoming depressed because I do not have friends beside my sister and my cousin who is basically my sister but they are family. I still don't have anybody that chooses me and it has definitely taken its toll on me. The smallest things make me just stop because I can see how lonely I am and I know I am not really happy. I want someone to choose me and not because they feel obligated to. I want to be someone's first choice. After I saw Bob in July I couldn't get him out of my head and I started developing feelings for him... he was once one of my bestfriends and I know me and him would be great together. I am a logical person so I didn't just think this quickly I have thought about this for almost four months. I think me and him could be great and I think he would choose me and I know he would treat me the way I deserve and want to be treated. But I think he will never see me the way I see him and I think I haven't crossed his mind like he has in mine. He is a very reserved person when it comes to sharing his feelings, but he has opened up to me a few times in the past. I think there is a possibility that he has thought about thinking of me, but I think that if he has thought about it he is scared of the possibility of me and I think he is scared of what other people would think of us...if there ever was an us. My sister keeps telling me to talk to him about how I feel but I can't bring myself to do it because I am terrified, he is one of my good friends and I do not want to ruin that. I would also be so embarassed because I would feel foolish for ever even thinking there was a chance he would like me back. I have absolutely no idea what to do, but I know I can't stay alone like this for much longer. I know I can be happy on my own, but I want someone to love me and to choose me and I think that's what hurts the most. I want love so bad that it hurts. I don't understand why no one wants me and I don't understand why no one chooses me. I want him to want me like I want him. I want him to choose me like I would choose him. I want him to hold me like I would hold him. I want him to kiss me like I would kiss him. I want him to love me like I would love him. He is on my mind every minute of every hour... my heart is hurting and I am confused and I have no idea what to do. I know I sound silly but if you could feel the pain in my heart you would understand. I know I am probably reading too much into it, but what if I'm not. What if he really is my soulmate? What if he is my twinflame? I have been on tik tok lately and I get a lot of tarot readings but one realllllllyyyyyyyyyy got me the other night. The video only had a little over 2000 views and in the video the girl said that my soulmate is someone from a past relationship, but in the past our relationship was just a friendship because neither one of us saw the other in this way. Then she said that this has all change because we recently saw each other and we both changed our perspectives of each other and we think "well what if...?" She then shuffled the deck and a card came flying out and she said that she was speechless because she never got this card. The card meant that this relationship was life long and it would be a wishfulfillment on both ends. But do I believe it? Is he really it? I want him to be it for me because I know it would beat the love in the movies...it would be an epic love, something our children would grow up hoping for. I sommetimes want to give up on the thought of being with him because I know I will probably only hurt myself more, but what if I give up and we were meant to be great? What if I don't give up and my heart is completely shattered? But what if he is truly meant to be mine and I take the risk tell him how I feel and then boom...greatest love story you've ever heard?