I am getting married soon. I love my fiancé. I love him so much its crazy. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. But....I have had so many dreams about my ex. My ex was crazy. He took advantage of me in more than one way. He's married now. He has a kid. But I find myself talking to him throughout the day. Not actually talking to him, but its in my head. I walk through what it would be like to see him and to talk to him. I would confront him and yell at him, but at the same time we're talking again like when we were best friends. I miss him. I miss his friendship. I miss him a lot. Cutting things off with him hurt me a lot. He was my number two. My right hand man. I loved him. But, he wasn't good for me. Our relationship would've crashed, burned, and I would've been left to rot. But I feel like I'm betraying my fiancé. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling these things. I know I should be kind to myself but I can't help it. I hate myself. I hate him. I'm angry. I feel betrayed. But more than anything else I feel...empty.