I'm not sure yet but I think I might just end it soon, I'm kinda done, not with life but with myself. I came to this realization not long ago but I have no redeeming qualities about myself, I'm chronically ill and will be for my while life costing my country literally tens of thousands of dollars per year, physically I'm fucked since I'm so skinny (im a guy so being skinny isn't a benefit) and since I'm ill very weak in multiple ways, I'm not particularly smart doing very average in university (architecture degree in case you are wondering, not that people give a shit about that career it seems) and not very motivated either. Socially I'm worse, I'm dead quiet in public and I hate going out, I have alot of trouble making friends and barely have any in uni.
This is my point I don't think I will contribute much to society since I'm useless in basically every way, and social I'm fully confident Il be lonley for the rest of my life (I'm 22 and never dated). I honestly think offing myself is the way to go, don't have to deal with the shit hand I was given at birth and I can keep my parents thinking I'm not totally useless. The only way I can kill myself will be by getting in an "accident", not sure how, maybe go mountain biking and "fall" head first of a small cliff I know, everyone will just see it as unfortunate, or just slip on a light rail line, it gets freezing here and I would have to wait till winter, but if I slip than no one will think I did it on purpose.
I just want this to be something like my last note to the public, a note from a useless shitbag that has never done anything worthwhile and never will.