me and men

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I was a innocent child and my cousin took advantage of this.he used to kiss me, touch my vagina and press boobs whenever possible till i was 18.Hen tried to have sex with me once but that didn't happen.And now he is sorry for his behavior too.

After my graduation, i got a job and shifted to another city.There i liked my coworker very much. He used to look very innocent and handsome.He started sending messages in whatsapp. I started loving him and one day he asked whether i like him.i said yes. he said he actually dosent love me but it is lust.he wanted to have sex with me.he asked me many times but i refused. I came to know that he have multiple affairs and he fucked more women than i can imagine.But i still loved him and asked him to change. he used to talk dirty with me still i ignored all of them.

one day, he came to drop me from office and he was trying to feel my boobs by applying breaks. when i resisted,he stopped the bike at some less crowded area and literally started pressing my boobs. some people started to come,so he just stopped and dropped me. Sad part is i still love him. one day, i was really sad i just wanted to talk with him. he came to me and he asked me whether he can fuck me. i dont know why, but i couldn't say no.he took me to his place and we had sex.After this, it happened many times and my love for him was getting more day by day. I had a hope that he will change and love me one day. After some days i was tired with his behavior and want to go far away from him.So, i shifted my job to another city.

There, one of my colleague proposed me. i didnt had any hard feelings for him but he was a nice guy.He really cares for me and loved me so much.He treated me like a child and helped me whenever i had problems.he was like a heeling. he had everything which i expected to have in a relationship.i thought i would be happy with i said yes. and i am happy with him now. but, i cant forget the my first love and it still haunts me.the first guy, still messages me to show my boobs and things. I have warned him not do all this but i think i still love him thats the reason i cant block him in the first place even now.

Now, i am feeling guilty as i am cheating the guy who loves me a lot by still loving the first one. i dont know what to do.can you please give me some advice or help to get out of my situation?